So You Think You Know Your "ABC"s?

 “Feelings are much like waves. 

We can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.”

Every so often, we wake up in the morning in a cranky mood. Right from the beginning, we assume that today will be a bad day. But does it really have to be that way? Are our emotions in control of us, or are we in control of them?

The answer is that we control our emotions.

Imagine this. Someone says something rude to you. Instantly you feel your face getting hot as anger overwhelms you. So obviously, this person made you mad. Right?

Wrong.

You made yourself mad. 

Stop and pause for a minute. 

Someone saying something rude to you was the activating event. You getting angry was the consequence. It's easy to think the consequence is the direct result of the event. 

But there is something in between, and that is the belief. You thought something to yourself that actually made you angry. Likely, you told yourself, "This person has no right to insult me!" or "That was so rude! How dare they say that!" 

According to psychologist Albert Ellis, our emotions follow an "ABC" model. 

Whenever presented with any unpleasant feelings, Ellis claims that we should ask ourselves, "What am I thinking to make me feel this way?" 

The self-defeating and unreasonable beliefs we have may surprise us.

We convince ourselves that things should be done a certain way, and if they're not, then it's a disaster. Examples of some irrational beliefs according to Ellis are the following:

• "You absolutely must have love and approval from virtually all the people who are important to you."
• "You must be completely competent in all your activities in order to feel worthwhile."
• "People must treat each other fairly, and it's horrible when they don't."
• "It's awful and terrible when there is no clear or quick solution to life's problems."

Our irrational beliefs lead us to feel negative emotions. We only experience negative emotions because we allow ourselves to.

Many times, we accept these negative emotions. We justify them rather than challenging them. If we wake up in a bad mood, we try to find a reason for that bad mood rather than replacing the negativity with positive thoughts. Even if there is nothing wrong, we like to come up with some reason to be in a bad mood.

Thus, negative consequences occur. Distorted thinking is the cause of emotional problems. Cognitive therapy is based on the seemingly simple idea that we need to change our unrealistic beliefs to more rational ones. 

No one is confined to a negative mindset. 

What a sad world it would be if we had no control over our feelings. Any situation would have the right to make us happy, sad, angry, jealous, nervous, stressed, and so on. 

Luckily, we don't live in a world like that. 

It's about time we take advantage of what we can control. People like to have power, yet they let others decide what they feel. 

Changing these irrational thoughts is the solution to negative feelings. It is up to us to challenge and correct our faulty patterns of thinking.

Using the "ABC" model helps us understand that we are liable for our own emotions. 

People can do behaviors that are irritating, but we don't have to get mad. They have done their action, but your reaction is entirely up to you.

No one else has an on and off switch to your emotions. 

It's not like someone can simply turn the switch on, and voilà, you're mad. Nor can someone turn it off and suddenly you're no longer mad.

You have the switch to your own emotions. 

You can turn off the switch to anger when you don't want to be angry. You can turn on the switch to happiness when you want to be happy. 

Understanding your feelings is the first step to controlling them and choosing which ones to surf.

Happiness is a choice. Choose wisely!

*****

Check out this article for more: "Total Control vs. No Control Theory of Emotions: Can you control your emotions or not?"

"Five Point Someone"--A Home Run!

Numbers. 
They are used to do algebra problems; they are used to count money, and they are used to label people.

Throughout high school, your GPA defines you. A person with a perfect 4.0 is a genius. A person with a 2.0 will be a college dropout, if they even end up going to college--they'll probably become a druggie first.

My life has been so much about getting straight A's, and I regret not being more involved in other activities. I continuously try to convince myself that no matter what teachers say, grades aren't everything.

Although being a student is only a part-time duty, I felt obliged to be a quintessential student 24/7, that is, until I read Five Point Someone. 

Plot

Five Point Someone is Chetan Bhagat's first novel, but it's far from an amateur's work.

The plot revolves around three students--Hari, Ryan, and Alok--that make it into one of the Indian Institutes of Technology (IIT), the most prestigious engineering colleges in India. It follows them through their four painful years at IIT and the bittersweet moment of graduation.

Faced with professors that dump them with homework, parents that are unsupportive, and classmates that sneer at their pathetic five point GPAs out of ten, these three students resort to a life of vodka, marijuana cigarettes, and cheating.

And then they are labelled as numbers: five point someones.

If that's not bad enough, the narrator Hari falls in love with a professor's daughter. And not just any professor. Professor Cherian had a perfect GPA of 10 when he attended IIT. Would he have high expectations for a potential son-in-law? You bet!

The friendship between these three boys is tested multiple times as they try to beat the system and end up getting into loads of trouble. They claim the strict IIT system limits their creativity and thus become rebellious, and their lives go downhill from there.

Themes

Without spoiling the plot too much, Five Point Someone is a dark story that fuses romance and societal problems. It addresses a variety of topics, from an unfair education system to suicide, from love to jealousy. The romance keeps the novel moving by adding spice in the solemn scenes.

I'm a sucker for romance, yet most romance novels are predictable: boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they are an unlikely match, but what do you know? They fall in love and live happily ever after!

Five Point Someone is an exception.

Although romance is one theme of the novel, Bhagat's novels always have a deeper underlying message. (Revolution 2020 by him also has an amazing message!) That's what makes his writing different. He doesn't write to impress; he writes to express.

Expression

Rather than analyzing boring statistics about how the Indian education system is faulty, he brings to life the fictional story of one of the system's victims himself. Who is that victim? It's the narrator Hari, but it's also the reader that becomes entrapped in Hari's body while reading his story. Bhagat has nailed winning over readers by influencing their emotions.

I'm really not a passionate reader. I know people who cry when their favorite character dies or throw their book across the room after a bad scene. I only become that person when reading one of Bhagat's books.

While reading Five Point Someone, I honestly forgot about my own life and felt like the narrator of the book. Although the choices Hari makes in his life are ones I'd never make in mine, I could relate to him solely because of Bhagat's use of detail to make me feel like I'm actually there.

Humor

Bhagat also puts humor into his novels.

The teenage boys' tones drip with sarcasm, what our generation would call "flames," which perfectly matches the tone of your typical immature college students.

For instance, one of the heartless professors defines a machine as "anything that reduces human effort" (Bhagat 9). Ryan, one of the three boys, retorts in a smart-aleck way, "Sir, what about a gym machine, like a bench press or something? ... That doesn't reduce human effort. In fact, it increases it" (10). I couldn't help but snicker.

Humor is sprinkled throughout the story. While it makes the novel entertaining overall, it also provides comic relief during the more serious scenes.

For example, the three friends have been caught cheating and are sitting on the dormitory roof, awaiting their professors' decision for their punishment, most likely expulsion. The three boys are all at a loss of words during this stressful time. All Ryan says is, "It's cold here," and "It is really high here" (208-209). Hari makes an amusing thought to himself: "If there is one thing men completely lack, it is the ability to communicate during tough moments. Alok and I have no words at all, while the best Ryan can come up with is comments on our thermodynamic and spatial state" (209).

At the end of the story, it is Graduation Day in Hari's dream. Professor Cherian makes a speech where he publicly admits his mistake of being a terrible professor and father. Hari thinks, "I kind of felt sad and for the first time felt he just may have a heart" (264). Although the topic is grave, Bhagat finds a way to incorporate humor anywhere.

So what's missing?

The ending of the novel didn't satisfactorily wrap up everything. For me, an ending that ties together all the loose threads of the plot is the perfect icing on the cake. This novel is a delicious cake, fluffy and rich, yet it lacks icing.

It just wasn't a novel where I closed the book with a smile. Instead, I flipped through the last pages thinking, "That's it? That's the end?" However, the message at the end made up for the cliffhanger ending.

Effectiveness

Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat is heavy with dialogue, making it a light read although it covers deep topics.

Bhagat explicitly states the message of the novel during Hari's dream where Professor Cherian is delivering a speech. The professor regrets judging students for their pitiful GPAs and admits:

"GPAs make a good student, but not a good person" (264). 

Just because you don't have the best grades doesn't make you any worse than anyone else.

Professor Cherian also gives this message to his students (which is intended toward the readers) in Hari's dream:

 "One, believe in yourself, and don't let a GPA, performance review or promotion in a job define you. 

There is more to life than these things--your family, your friends, your internal desires and goals. And the grades you get in dealing with each of these areas will define you as a person" (264).

"Two, don't judge others too quickly. 

I thought my son was useless because he didn't get into IIT. I tell you what, I was a useless father. It is great to get into IIT, but it is not the end of the world if you don't. All of you should be proud to have the IIT tag, but never ever judge anyone who is not from this institute--that alone can define the greatness of this institute" (264).

"And lastly, don't take yourself too seriously. 

We professors are to be blamed even more for this. Life is too short, enjoy yourself to the fullest. One of the best parts of campus life is the friends you make. And make sure you make them for life...Sometimes I wish I had had a good friend, even if that meant a lower GPA" (265).

Five Point Someone hit a home run with the point that a GPA isn't everything.

After all, it's just a number.